Friday, December 21, 2007

Prozac Ye Merry, Gentlemen


I haven't posted much (read: anything) about Christmas. Everyone is doing their Christmas themed blogs, yet I've gotten no closer than a discussion about snow. Which is kinda Christmassy. Kinda.
Sigh.
Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas. I have lots of nice memories, a great set of in-laws to spend it with, and a family that almost never resorted to any combination of alcohol and bitter recrimination around the holidays. I kind of suck at getting decorations up and generally getting things together early enough, but that's just a quirk I've come to embrace.
I think my problem is that I'm too acutely aware of the fact that this season is hard for some people, for a variety of reasons. Finances, displacement, loss, whatever. I think about those people too much and those thoughts run a continual counterpoint to all the 'being of good cheer'.
Consider this your wee taste of Christmas Dark. If nothing else, it will make the rest of your weekend seem wonderful.
I call this song the Perfect Storm of Christmas Depression. Note that the performer here (if you can get through it) is not Randy Stonehill, but he does a decent job. If you can't bear it, here are the lyrics.

They got Christmas Muzak
Piped in through the ceiling
And the refills of coffee
Are always for free
And the waitress on graveyard
And the surly night manager
Are wishing that all of us losers would leave
There’s a star on the sign
At the Texaco Station
Like the star long ago
On that midnight clear
As I look all around
At these cold, empty faces
I doubt that you'd find many wise men here
And I'm dreaming about
A silent night - Holy Night
When things were alright
And I'm dreaming about
How my life could have been
If only, if only, if only
But somewhere down the road
I gave up that fight
Merry Christmas
It's Christmas at Denny's tonight
Once I had a home
And a wife and a daughter
Had a company job
Earning middle-class pay
Then Lisa got killed
By a car near the schoolyard
And my wife started drinking
Just to get through each day
I will never forget
That little red wagon
Turning to rust
All alone in the rain
One morning I flagged down a truck on the highway
I just couldn't bear
To go back there again
And I'm dreaming about
A silent night - Holy night
When things were alright
And I'm dreaming about
How my life could have been
If only, if only, if only
Well, it's not just the blind man
Who loses his sight
Merry Christmas It's Christmas at Denny's tonight
They sayLife's made of cruel circumstance
Fate plays the tune and we dance
Dance til we dropIn the dust and we're gone
And the world just goes on
The cop at the counter
He's the guardian angel
He watches these orphans
Through dark mirrored shades
And the register rings
Like a bell sadly tolling
For the fools we've become
And the price that we paid
Oh when I was a boy
I believed in Christmas
A miracle season
To make a new start
I don't need no miracle
Sweet baby Jesus
just help me find
Some kind of hope in my heart
And I'm dreaming about
A silent night - Holy night
When things were alright
And I'm dreaming about
How my life could have been
If only, if only, if only
But I'll still be here
At the morning's first light
Merry Christmas
It's Christmas at Denny's tonight

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The only thing this song lacks is dead pets and meteorological disasters. Jeez, Randy. It makes the Christmas Shoes seem positively gleeful by comparison. (Funny story about THAT song; I was once in an airport shuttle van with a bunch of strangers and that song came on somewhere between the Commodore Barry Bridge and Philadelphia Airport, in just enough time that the whole vanful ended up sitting in silence listening to it. When we got to the Delta curb and got out, every single person in the van had obviously been crying, including the gruff and surly driver, who pulled all our luggage out of the back and drove off as quickly as possible.)

Anyway, I'll be making an effort to post more cheery bits of Christmas in the next few days, I've got a picture of me -n- Santa somewhere, if I can just figure out how to use the darned scanner.



Go visit humor blogs.com, before you make the Baby Jesus cry.

3 comments:

Jonny's Mommy said...

Falalaa.....oh good God, never mind. Darn it, that was frieking depressing. I think I need another Zoloft and another and another and....

Warren, pass the beer. I'm gonna need it tonight.

(Gee, hope mom doesn't read this, 'cuz it was a total joke!!!!)

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Just once, I'd like to see you drink a beer. It would be awesome.

Diesel said...

Merry Christmas, Shieldmaiden. If you get depressed, put on some Huey Lewis. :)