Thursday, July 17, 2008

Headaches & Miscellany

Just for gits & shiggles I went to the Starbucks website today, curious about where the doomed outlets might be located and whether any of my ridiculously infrequent visits there would be imperiled by their belt-tightening. I am relieved to say that any and all inclination I ever have in the course of my day to pay $4 for one cup of coffee when I can get a whole pound of it at Weis for $7 is safe since my Vestal NY Starbucks with the cool, funny baristas, who once let me use their phone to call my office when I realized I'd left mine at home, will remain open. And, perhaps as an indication that we take our caffeine consumption very seriously in Our Fine Commonwealth, virtually NONE of the Pennsylvania Starbucks are closing. Rock on, Malvern and Exton Mall.

I sit here in mellow mood lighting at my desk, careful not to move too fast, bend over to fetch things off the floor, or raise my voice above a library level. I am coming off of The Headache.
Once in a great while, they steal upon me like an unexpected thunderstorm. There are signs. Sign one is pretty hard to miss, and looking back, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. I call it Superhero Smellability. Imagine you had one of these:


Only it works for your nose. And you can't turn it down.

7pm I am walking around town smelling everyone's deodorant/laundry detergent/dogs/chew funk. I should run for the drugstore to cram Tylenol Sinus caplets in every orifice. But I ignore it.

10pm, I pick up my cat and I can smell his breath and the baking soda deodorant stuff mixed into his cat litter on his paws, mixed with the smell of newspaper and the soap on the shower rack two rooms away. I ignore it.

3am I wake up and the center of my forehead feels like its being pressed by the giant angry thumb of a giant angry giant. I find Tylenol Sinus in the little first aid kit I used to carry in my sword bag and swallow it, assuming I'll just fall asleep and wake up for the gym, all the pain magically spirited away.

3:15 Still hurts

3:45 Still hurts

4:10 Still hurts and I have to pee. While TCOB I realize that moving my head too fast makes me want very much to throw up. I resolve to move my head very slowly.

4:35 I discover that closing my eyes actually makes my head hurt worse, what with the titanic pressure my eyelids exert on my eyeballs. I stare at the ceiling fan quietly hating both Himself and the cat, who are sound asleep and snoring in tandem.

5:30 I get up again and text message my gym partner to let her know I will not be making it. The bright light of my phone and cheerful tootle of the keys as I try to convey my truancy in the shortest message possible almost makes me throw up.

6:15 After about twenty seven seconds of a dream in which I am either Josie or one of the Pussycats, I wake up again. I can now hear the vertebrae creaking in my neck.

7:00 I call my office and advise the dispatcher I will be coming in late. I take more medicine and lay back down, only to be awakened by the deafening crash of the cat playing with a bottlecap. Bottlecap is confiscated by Himself, with my gratitude.

7:15-9:00 Actual sleep and another dream that I don't remember, only that it had the feel, decor, and clothes of a Miami Vice episode.

10:30 After a cautious breakfast of toast and a cup of coffee, I leave for work. When I arrive I do not turn on the lights.

4:22 The day is creeping on, I have a Pampered Chef party to go to and I earnestly hope no one will be smoking there or I may have to make them crawl around on the floor to look for my eye.


My husband sent me an email that said "You forgot the Humor Blogs link in your post. You are going to get kicked off.". Click here to keep me kicked on!

3 comments:

sinisterdan said...

I live so far from the center of North American civilization that we're still waiting for them to open a Starbucks.

Yeah, I know.

Alice said...

Oh hon, I'm so sorry for you! I get those occassionally and everything kills. Have you ever seen a doc for something stronger?

Beware: Social Worker on the edge said...

Oh I feel for you...mirgraines suck. Then you get pregnant and you feel like that all day everyday for 20 weeks...goodtimes.