Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Another missive from the Ministry of the Totally Bleeding Obvious

Today I received this email from my ever helpful insurance company.


Did you know that, each year, deer collisions account for over 1.5 million accidents, resulting in thousands of injuries and over 150 fatalities? We are alerting you because your area has a large deer population and an increased risk of deer collisions from early October through late December when the deer mating season is in full swing. Your safety is important to us, so take a moment to review the following safety tips. Please be careful and drive safely.Deer-related accidents are covered under comprehensive insurance coverage.

Let me just stop here and give you a chance to roll your eyes and say "REALLY?" in the most exaggerated and dramatic way possible.

Drive Insurance offers these tips for staying safe:
Do not swerve to avoid hitting the deer, which could result in loss of control or hitting another vehicle. Swerving is the reason for most deer-related deaths and injuries.

Yeah, that, and, you know, squarely-hit deer catapulting through your windshield and burrowing their snuggly heads into your sternum.
In the event of a deer collision, brake firmly and keep the steering wheel straight. Stay in your lane to avoid hitting other vehicles.

Utter your choice of expletives at this time..
Do not rely on deer whistles and other deer-deterrent devices. They have not been proven effective.

They just piss off the deer. Who, travelling in groups, will come and get ungulate on your butt.
When driving at night, use your high beams when there is no oncoming traffic. The lights cause deer's eyes to glow, making them more visible. High beams also help you see farther, giving you additional time to react if a deer is on or near the road.

Gee. And all this time I was only using my high beams to alert oncoming traffic to speed traps.

Deer often travel in groups. If you see a deer, be prepared for additional deer to follow.

Just like Lay's potato chips! You can't hit just one!
Deer can be found on highways and busy city streets, not just rural roads.

Many of them are employed as DOT workers. (They just kind of stand on the side of the road. In groups. You think they might do something, but you aren't sure. )
Deer can suddenly dart across a road when distracted by lights or the sound of a horn.

They can also tie cherry stems in knots with their tongues. But they only do that at parties.
Drive cautiously through posted deer-crossing areas.

Hauling a-- and screaming like a banshee isn't as effective as you'd think.
Contact your local law enforcement to remove a deer that is lying in the road for the safety of other approaching vehicles. Never approach a deer yourself.

Unless you have field-dressing knives with you and your trunk is empty.
Wear your safety belt at all times.

Anyone who lives in Tioga County and doesn't have some grasp of the deer threat needs to immediately move to Arizona. But it was nice of em for thinking of me.


Jonny's Mommy said...

Hauling a-- and screaming like a banshee isn't as effective as you'd think.
----- However, honking your horn and screaming like a banshee is...My friend Rebecca did this one time on the way back from the mall to Mansfield and I'm pretty sure all the farmers that had to get up at 4 a.m. to milk their cows were just thrilled at that. We were driving her parent's huge station wagon and she just honked all the way home to "deter the deer" Yeah, it was....weird.

Kimberly said...

Especially when honking can "deter" the deer by, er, flushing them out and spooking them so they run across the road. In front of you. :)