Monday, July 01, 2013

Locked and Loaded

                                                                                         Seaweed: Don't knock it till ya tried it.
     I write this on June 29th, one day before the official start of my first Whole 30. I am excited. I've planned the first week of meals, bought all the necessary ingredients, discovered a few snacks that are just too cool for school, sharpened my vegetable chopping knives, and I'm ready.

     I've been shedding no-go food items like rocket stages: first milk, then artificial sweeteners, doing sort of a last dance with cheese this weekend and then I'm all set. (The other no-go items were already eliminated.) As of this writing, with a start date of September 20, 2012, I have lost 64 pounds and 19 1/2 inches. In case you are wondering whether all this eliminating all the junk food has had any effect.
I don't miss it. Its funny how, once you start making the kinds of choices you know you need to make for your own benefit, they get easier and easier to make as time goes on. "New normals" are easier than you think to adopt.

     Another curious but true fact: I am losing something more complicated than weight. So many of my previous efforts were bound up in some sort of complicated revenge fantasy, as if making my outward appearance different would somehow silence or shame every childhood bully and judgement-passer I'd ever encountered. When you really think about that, it is pretty ridiculous. "I'll show them" is a poor and pointless motivator. Because they don't care. They never carried the weight of their unkindness the way you did. (And if you are still carrying it, it is well past time to put it down.) There is an enormous difference between berating yourself so you can have a traditionally acceptable outward appearance and taking care of yourself because YOU deserve to feel not just better, but fantastic, and because YOU deserve to not just function, but thrive. I'm not working on a body that can wear skinny jeans. I'm working on a body that can climb steep mountain trails, sure footed and unweary. I used to think that doing it for me was selfish. But now that I've got some traction I realize how doing it for me unpacks so much of the bitterness, disappointment, and nonsense and discards it.
     So that's where I am. Looking forward to a month of moving ahead.

4 comments:

meleah rebeccah said...

"Its funny how, once you start making the kinds of choices you know you need to make for your own benefit, they get easier and easier to make as time goes on. "New normals" are easier than you think to adopt."

That is so very true.

Also - I could NEVER give up cheese. I commend your willpower!

"I'm not working on a body that can wear skinny jeans. I'm working on a body that can climb steep mountain trails, sure footed and unweary."

Good for you, Kim!

I am so happy for you.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

The way I look at at it, I can do ANYTHING for 30 days. Cheese and I are separated, at this point, not divorced. I'm re-evaluating our relationship. :)

Jocelyn said...

I need to copy and paste the "Another curious but true fact..." paragraph. Well, well, well written--but more than that, well thought.

This journey you're on means a lot to your readers out here, I tell you.

Terry Duncan said...

Kim I hope you know how much of an inspiration your words are becoming to me. Keep writing - you are a wonderful blogger........thank you!