Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Swimming with the Undercurrent


This is brooding weather.
In younger days I did my best brooding in the Fall, when days shortened and every blazing tree was a threat of colorlessness; their leaves swirling around the bus where I sat with my head against the rattling window, headphones clamped and music filling my head, drowning out the voices.

At the risk of falling into gender stereotype and inviting flippant dismissal I will be honest; this internal wellspring of drama that I seem to be drinking deeply of is most likely PMS-sourced. All the same I recognize the monthly increase of doom and difficulty that envelops my every task this week. I am as acquainted with its intensity as I am with the way it dissolves like mist with very little warning, leaving me wondering what all the fuss was about.

I have no desire to wash dishes. I wander through the grocery store and nothing appeals. I have just the inspiration I need; house guests on Thursday, which will insure that I spend my day off making my house as presentable as it would be if I was a real adult and not one that spends more time doing her nails than doing housework. On Thursday the house will be all clean and shiny and pretendy and full of good smells. The only inner life I seem to be able to cultivate these days is the one that used to lean on the bus window, watching leaves swirl downward to colorlessness.

But this too will pass. And in the meantime I choose to write for the reason I used to write so much; to articulate, to triage, to overcome. And I'm going to be making some changes; for a while now I've had three seperate blogs, but I realize its kind of absurd on two fronts; one, I hardly write enough for one (though I'm trying to change that) and two, all aspects of my life are just that....all aspects of my life. I think I've been compartmentalizing a bit overmuch. So you may see some posts cruise on over here from my other blogs. And you may see more here about some of my other passions that I've kept separate. Which is a good thing. I promise it won't be about nail polish. Most of the time.

11 comments:

Murr Brewster said...

Well, at least you're putting a shine on things.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I really enjoyed the tone of this post, Kim. Wistful, and sorrowful, without slipping into being maudlin.

Also, my own house is a mess, and I don't feel like cleaning, either. But I will.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Yeah! More blog posts from you!

Murr Brewster said...

That was a nail-polish reference, up there. I just realized it sounded kinda snarky.

In other news: my roommate and I in freshman year college used to play "Tuesday Afternoon" at night to put us to sleep. We got so used to it that it still hypnotizes me. Once it came on the radio while I was driving and I had to pull over, even after I'd changed the station.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Murr: I actually didn't take it that way! But its true, actually. All winter I've used it as color therapy to keep me sane.

Mike: I finally did it because we were having company and it actually made me feel a little better.

Lisa: I'm trying....

Murr part deux: My roommate and I used to do that with Suzanne Vega's 'Solitude Standing' album. It was our 'power nap' album.

Katherine said...

My father called these times "the dark ages." I want to buy one of those ultraviolet lights that give you vitamin D and cheer your mood in the winter. Being stuck inside makes everyone miserable! But summer is almost here... I see it around the corner. That means HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY... it is sooo close!

Suzy said...

I love the Moody Blues. TO DEATH.

cardiogirl said...

Gah, I feel the same way. I feel like it's such a crutch to say, "I'm in a wicked furious mood and, p.s., my period is coming."

It feels like an excuse but damnation there's no puttin' a happy spin on my outlook when I'm on my period.

FishHawk said...

"Dispatches from the Northern Outpost" has been included in this weeks A Sunday Drive. I hope this helps to attract even more new visitors here.

http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2011/04/sunday-drive_10.html

Mike Golch said...

Thanks for the moody blues, Fishhwak sent me over and I liked my visit with you today. The Moody Blues is one of my Favorite bands.

Chicken Little said...

I as yet still await, with baited breath, a musing from your three digit employer or possibly TGH transfer that was never to be. Waiting...waiting...